Press On

 

"I press on toward the goal for the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:14

Had life gone according to plan, right now we would be in Northern California enjoying a lovely fall day with my niece and nephew, parents, and brother and sister-in-law. Life didn't go according to plan though. While everyone has their own take on Coronavirus and how seriously it should or shouldn't be taken, we decided for the sake of everyone, we would forego our original Thanksgiving plans. We will see them again, so there is comfort in that. Since we couldn't go, we spent yesterday decorating for Christmas. This is the first year I have ever decorated for Christmas before Thanksgiving. 2020 has been anything but normal, so I'm all for bringing a little Christmas cheer early.

I was pretty sad when our plans were canceled, but I am making the most of sudden free time by cleaning my windows and blinds and blasting worship music. Cleaning blinds sounds boring, yes, but I haven't cleaned the blinds since we moved in, and they were in need. The sellers ripped out the carpet before we moved in and put in new tile floors. I don't think the blinds were cleaned after that. They are pretty gross. It's kind of a mundane job, but it has to be done.

Dealing with disappointment is nothing new. This life often brings disappointment and heartbreak. It's easy to throw a pity party. Woe is me. Sadness and disappointment are part of life, but I would caution against allowing bitterness and jealousy to creep in. It is subtle. You may not even realize it is there lurking. It is often through our disappointment that God is behind the scenes working. 

21 years ago I was a college freshman at Cal State Northridge in the San Fernando Valley (Los Angeles). I had chosen CSUN because it was a public university (less expensive than private) that offered Deaf Studies as a major. I had taken American Sign Language in high school and enjoyed it. Majoring in it sounded good. I also enjoyed the weather in L.A., so why not give it a chance. I knew very little about the SFV except what I had seen on TV shows and movies. I didn't know about any churches. I didn't know anyone in Los Angeles. I was taking a leap of faith. My idea of college was based on my oldest sister's experience and from what I had seen of UC Davis (where she graduated). My college experience was nothing like I thought it would be. 

CSUN is a commuter campus. Most students live off campus, either with their family or in apartments. There were dorms (where I lived for 2 years), but that was not the norm. A lot of students were older, not recent high school grads. I had no car, so I either had to walk to the store (not close) or ride my bike. Bike riding with bags of groceries on the handle bars isn't easy. My roommates were interesting. If anyone could be more unlike me, it was them. I was a country bumpkin. They were from Long Beach and the greater Los Angeles area. 

I had no idea I could feel so alone. But God--He was working. 

I had been reading a book by John MacArthur. It was through that book that I first felt true conviction over my sins. Through that book and reading my Bible, I came to true repentance. I was a baby believer in a big city without a single friend. At orientation, I met a girl looking for a Christian sorority. I was just looking for a Bible study (I knew if I could find a Bible study, I could find a church). She told me that Grace Community Church had a Bible study on campus and asked if I knew John MacArthur. Although I was reading his book, I didn't know his name. It was just a book I found on the bookshelf at home. When I looked at the book later that night, I saw he was the pastor at the church she told me about. I went to Bible study that first night and never looked back.

Growth was painful. There were a lot of sins that I cherished that God was rooting out. I didn't always love John MacArthur's straightforwardness, but as I grew in my faith and maturity, I realized that what he said, I needed to hear, as uncomfortable as it was. The thing about growing up in a Christian environment is that you already think you know everything. Finding out you don't is a blow to one's pride. God brought some incredibly wonderful people into my life that gave me rides to church and invited me into their homes. They were family to me. It was still lonely at times. It was still hard. There was still disappointment. There were times I had barely enough money for a loaf of bread and cheese, but God provided. 

As hard as those days were for me, I look back with such fondness now. It was such an amazing time of growth. I see clearly how God worked it all out for my good. I thought I knew how things would go, but I was so wrong, and I am so glad I was so wrong. I met and married my husband there. I attended Grace Church for 19 years, and those are years I will hold close to my heart forever. We were married there. We both worked there. We had babies there. It wasn't a perfect place--we are all still sinners, but I think it was a foretaste of heaven: the teaching, the worship, the people. I miss it, but I know that God has purposes for us here. I had no idea a year ago that today I would be sitting in my house in Arizona. 

Pride and disappointment are still things I struggle with. In my arrogance I think that it was so good of God to put me here to use me and how lucky the church is to have me. I cringe saying it, but I know that I think more highly of myself than I ought. This is something I have been thinking through a lot lately. Why do we get offended when someone doesn't reach out to us? Is it not our pride? We think the worst of people rather than thinking the best. It is the opposite of 1 Corinthians 13. Humility is something I am sometimes afraid to pray for because I know that God will gladly humble me. Pride is ugly and divisive. If my utter humiliation brings glory to God, then so be it. I would rather be humbled and bring glory to God than be prideful and bring shame. 

In the growing pains and disappointments, God is always the same. Trust what He says in His Word. As the world seems to change in front of our eyes, our purpose here hasn't changed. If you know and love the Lord Jesus Christ, you are here to tell others about Him and to encourage those that know Him to press on. The world may crumble, you may stumble, but you will never be snatched from His hand if you are His. The same God who saved you, upholds you. Don't resist His will. Keep pressing on!